Friday, December 16, 2011

Christmas Gifts #fridayflash #fridayfictioneers #100words


I love the sweet simplicity of  this week's photo prompt by Madison Woods. Here's the story it inspired:

Christmas Gifts


     Joey poked his head through the door. “Close your eyes.”
     “Oh, honey. Not now. I’m cooking.” I turned so he wouldn’t see I’d been crying.
     “Come on, Mom. I’ve got a surprise for you,” he pleaded.
     I shut my eyes. They burned beneath my lids.
     “Don’t open them until I say so.”
     “I won’t.”
     I heard him groan a bit, some rustling, the creak of the shutting door.
     “Almost done,” he said. “Okay, open your eyes.”
     A tiny tree. A smile beaming on Joey’s face.
     “Before Dad left, he said to be sure you had a Christmas tree.”

14 comments:

  1. Jan, your story, even though it's only a hundred words, made me cry. Very awesome story!

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  2. Very sweet story, Jan. great pace too.

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  3. Bittersweet. Salty tear and joyful smiles. It all goes with the territory. Beautifully captured in only a few short words. Well done!

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  4. This story was really sad - you capture it so perfectly in a hundred words. In the end I decided that Dad had to go away for business / war rather than leaving the family; I hope that's the right interpretation.
    Beautiful!

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  5. I liked the story. It left "reasons" as a mystery; was he going to war, did he leave her for personal reasons? But if he did, why was he concerned she had a tree? I love mysteries. Great story.

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  6. Dear Jan,

    I once had a woman come up to me after I'd read a piece of mine on an open mic. She said, "You made me cry and I hate you for it." The last was a reflection of who she was, a tough forensic pathologist, and it made her compliment all the sweeter.

    I pay it forward to you now. You made me cry, and I don't hate you for it. Thanks for writing such a heartbreaking and heartwarming tale.

    Aloha,

    Doug

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  7. Oh, Jan! that was terrific. It really was an entire short story - and all the details were perfect. Your eyelids burning, the child beaming, the little tree.
    Almost a memory, it was so evocative...
    Lindaura

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  8. Yes, you made my eyes burn too Jan. That was poignant, and I loved it.

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  9. That's really sweet, Jan. Well done. You captured all the emotion in so few lines. :)

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  10. Thanks for your comments, everyone. I'm on the road today, but look forward to reading yours tomorrow!

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  11. What I loved is how well I knew the dad by the end...Robin

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  12. I love how children can step up into a parental role. Good story with a sweet ending. Thank you for sharing!

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  13. I only have one word to say, "Wow!"

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  14. I like the control you kept over the story. In less skillful hands it would have been overly sentimental, instead it's subtle and poignant. I especially like that you chose the little boy's action to drive the story, instead of mom's. Good choice.

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