This morning I was listening to the Gayle King Show. Her guest was Philip Galanes, author of the book, Social Q's: How to Survive the Quirks, Quandaries and Quagmires of Today.
Their discussion centered around the question, "Did you ever have an embarrassing moment when you wished you had a social expert on speed dial?"
Of course, that sent my mind whirling to the past, remembering my embarrassing moments. The first one that always comes to mind?
Had I still been a child, it might have been funny. But, as a teenager, it was the most horrible thing that could have happened. There I was, sitting across the table from the man (okay, boy) of my dreams. Though I'd been suffering with a cold, I certainly wasn't going to turn down his invitation to have ice cream. After all, he was my soul mate. I stared into his hazel eyes as he licked his Rocky Road ice cream cone. Life was good.
Then, he told a funny joke and I laughed -- snorted, really. And with that snort came snot. Yes, snot. Gobs of it, too. And though I tried to recover with a quick inhale--tried to hide behind my strawberry cone--I knew he'd seen it.
Even today, I wonder how that snort changed history.
And what about the lesser quandaries? We've all experienced those awkward moments when we notice someone's zipper was down. To tell, or not to tell?
What about when you accidentally sent a text or email?
Ever walk into the wrong sex bathroom?
Enough of my explicit and implicit true confessions. Are YOU brave enough to share an embarrassing moment or a quandary?
I'm too embarrassed to say. Ha. No I'm not. Back in the day when I was your friendly tour guide at Cosmic Cavern, I had a church group of about thirty on tour. I climbed onto a ledge above everyone so they could all see and hear better, and that's when it happened. My battery pack had been leaking and the acid had eaten through my jeans. Well, literally before God and the world, my pants dropped to my ankles. What's so bad about that? Well, I've always gone commando, see. But on the upside, when the tour ended, I did earn several five dollar tips :)
ReplyDelete@MGMillerbooks--damn it! The tour guide when I went to Cosmic Cavern was a 83 year old grandmother.
ReplyDeleteJan, can I ever relate to your OMG moment. I'm so socially awkward, my family has requested I write of book of all my mishaps. It would be a trilogy--teen, 20s,now.
One of my favorites--I was at a party in AK with all the cool folks in town. I'd been lusting after the eye doctor for months. We chatted at the party and I was beaming. Finally, I'd gotten his attention. He walked off and I turned to my roommate to see if she had witnessed my wit and charm. She said, "You have mashed potatoes on your forehead."
Sure enough. The worse part? I have no idea where the mashed potatoes came from! :-) Needless to say, I never scored a date with the hot eye doctor.
Unfortunately, the open fly incident has reared its head on more than one occasion (I know-bad pun-what can I say?). Once, while making deliveries for the U of A Print Shop at the Math Building, I stopped at a young lady's desk and asked her to sign for the delivery. I noticed she kept looking at me funny, and it seemed to take her a long time to sign. On the way back to the van, I discovered my pants were unzipped and gaping open. Like Mike, I was commando as well.
ReplyDeleteShould have went back and got my darned tip. :)
Oh gosh, I've had my share of these moments,although I have to say Mike's trumps almost every one.
ReplyDeleteOk, here is mine: I was a teenage girl who had the hots for an older guy that was in the NWA Riding Club with me. I wanted to impress him with my riding skills and how I took such good care of my horse. He was standing by me while I cleaned my horse's hind hooves. My noble steed took that oppotunity to "crap" all over me. So, there I was with horse poop all over my shirt. The guy acted like he didn't see anything but he never came around anymore after that. Who knows? Maybe my horse saved me from a bad mistake.
I seem to embarrass myself so often it's commonplace. Can't think of a specific most-embarrassing thing... I've gone into men's bathrooms too often for that to be it...
ReplyDeleteBesides, I don't think anyone is going to be able to top Mike's moment!
Boy that's a tough one....commando tour guide or being covered with horse dung while trying to impress a guy...
ReplyDeleteAfter one of my college psychology professors explained to the class that there are over 12 billion synapse in the human brain and each one fires at + or - 70 millivolts, I raised my hand.
ReplyDeleteWhen he called on me, I asked, "If all 12 billion synapse were to fire at exactly the same time, what would keep the human brain from exploding like the nucleus of an atomic bomb?"
The professor slared at me for at least a full minute.
After it appeared I had stumped the professor. I felt confident I had asked a really good question. I smiled at three girls sitting to my right, hoping they might consider letting me join their study group. I needed to pull up my c aveage in the class.
All eyes were focused on the professor. His were focused on me when he finally said, "Surely, even someone like you must know that cannot possibly happen."
Several students laughed. The three girls shook their heads. I would not be getting an invitation to join their study group.
@mgmillerbooks - you win the prize! All I can say is, it's a good thing your pants dropped. Imagine if that acid had kept eating away at something. . . :)
ReplyDelete@Luna Zega - Hmmm . . . potatoes or snot. Not sure which is more embarrassing.
@Russell - We need to think of a universal code to let you poor men know when something is amiss below the belt line. :)
@Ruth - True, nothing can destroy a fantasy-in-motion like the smell of horse crap.
@MadisonWoods - we're still waiting for your true confession.
@Jack LaBloom - I, for one, would have been quite impressed with your thought-provoking question. :)
Thanks, everyone! I'm glad to know all of you just a little bit better. :)