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| An old stick of dynamite! |
Visit Madison Woods' blog to read some great flash fiction based on her photo prompt!
Relic
I found it in the damp, smelly darkness, as I crawled on my belly searching for the stench of something that died under the porch. Had I known what it was, I might not have dragged it into the light.
What surprised me more—that it was an old stick of dynamite, or that it was wrapped by a letter?
"If I cannot have Sarah and the child she carries, no one shall."
Sarah. My mother.
I stared at the letter. Was the relic of failed destruction it had wrapped all that I had of a father I never knew?
Wow. You've opened enough cans of worms that it could lead to another 450 pages!
ReplyDeleteThat's awesome, Jan! Both chilling and suspenseful.
ReplyDeleteThat's a powerful stick of dynamite that carries more stories than a cup of TNTea.
ReplyDeleteDear Jan,
ReplyDeleteWelcome back and good job! It's a strange letter she found, as it would have disappeared entirely had the dynamite been used as intended. Has the earmarks of a cry for help and since it never exploded, leaves me to wonder where her poor tortured father is now. Great story from a challenging prompt.
Aloha,
Doug
Very resonant stuff...great job, Robin
ReplyDeleteThis is great. A really moody and concise creation growing out of the prompt. I have only one issue and that is the last sentence:
ReplyDelete"Was the relic of failed destruction it had wrapped all that I had of a father I never knew?"
I think you could do it in this:
Was this relic of failed destruction all I had left of a father I never knew?
Laura
By the way, I love the search for something dead under the porch!
ReplyDeleteI love this story, believe me!
Laura
I think sometimes we produce our best work when we feel challenged! This is really well done, interesting and surprising.
ReplyDeleteHere's mine (I posted late): http://thecolorlime.wordpress.com/2011/10/29/flash-fiction-discovered-99-words/
Woo-hoo, Jan is back!
ReplyDeleteLove the story, mysterious and spooky.
Great story! It would certainly develope into a suspenseful novel.
ReplyDeleteWell, you never know what you're going to come across when crawling around looking for something dead. Makes me wonder what else you got under that porch?
ReplyDeleteI stumbled on the last sentence too, but looks like you got some good feedback on how to fix it.
Thanks for the feedback, everyone. I agree-I was not happy with the ending either. The back story on that is, I had to rush the ending because our ride had arrived at the hotel in LA early! I'll have to work on the ending.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to our next Flash Fiction Friday!