"REAL SIMPLE Quote of the Day" Post: Relating

“Just because we were related

didn’t mean we were any good

at understanding each other.”

                   ― Anne Tyler

Circa 1973

I receive a "Quote of the Day" each morning from Real Simple magazine. This morning's quote immediately brought to mind my relationship with my sister, Cyndie. Being the oldest sibling, I was the "no fun disciplinarian" of the bunch, and the quote has probably been appropriate for each of my siblings at one time or another in our lives. But Cyndie is who first came to mind.

Since I was the oldest and she was next oldest, we were destined to share bedrooms all of our childhood, and you could not have thrown two more different girls together in a small space. "The Odd Couple" does not sufficiently describe us.

Cyndie was the free spirit - the "Oscar Madison" - the popular party girl with lots of friends. Probably her attitude about high school was to enjoy, to have fun, to "find" herself.

I, on the very opposite other hand, was the "Felix Ungar" - always living by the code of "should", neat freak, studious and hidden behind a wall of what was expected.

Though our tastes in clothes and boys were so different we thought the other to be "gross," somehow we still managed to argue about not "borrowing" each other's clothes. Fortunately, we never "borrowed" each other's boyfriends - not that I know of anyway.

A perfect example of the antagonistic nature of our sisterhood:  Several times after a date, one or the other of us extended beyond the bounds of our curfew, at which time the front door would be locked. Of course, the very few times it happened to me, I assumed the resolution to my dilemma was to climb the back fence and knock on our bedroom window. Surely my dear sister would let me in. No way.

But I didn't let her in either.

I'm not sure what Cyndie's reaction to that "knock-knock" cry for help was, but mine was to lie in bed snickering and thinking, "Serves her right."

Though we are still as different as can be, our story has a happy ending. From previous blogs, (Sister Left, Sister Right) many of you know that Cyndie's political leanings are to the left, and mine are to the right. When we travel, she prefers to dive in to the culture - to meet residents, even live with them. I prefer to remain with a group and stay in a hotel. She is still a free spirit, and I still work to tear down the wall of expectations.

But today, we are as close as sisters can (and "should") be. We admire, respect and learn from each other. It has taught me that whether we're related or not, accepting and learning from our differences in fact, leads to better understanding.

Circa 2009

Love

Jan with Mother-of-the-Groom, Susan

I attended the wedding of Drew and Anne-Elise this weekend. Drew is the son of my "life" friend, Susan. We have shared the lives of our children grorwing up from the time they were in high chairs; the trials and tribulations of toddlerdom through teenagerhood, through proud college years, and now weddings. One day, we'll share the joys of being grandparents.

Our little girls,
Meredith and Andi



Our grown-up girls,
Andi and Meredith

The wedding and reception were beautiful; the couple loving, loved and lovely. It was a weekend of tears, smiles, laughter, memories, dreams. I love weddings.

One thing I will always remember about this very special wedding was what the priest said prior to beginning the ceremony, before the groom walked in, before the bridesmaids' procession, and before the beautiful bride, Anne-Elise, walked down the aisle with her beaming father.

The priest walked to the front of the church and welcomed everybody. He said, "I would like to welcome all Catholics. Welcome to all Christians. Welcome Jews and Muslims. Welcome to those of you who believe in the Asian religions."

I must admit, I began to wonder how he would welcome those who might not believe in any religion.

Then, he said, "And for those of you who do not believe, we welcome you, too. For today, what unites us is that we all believe in love."

At that moment, surrounded by many people I'd never met before, I felt a connection to everyone. And I thought about how nice it was for a couple to begin their lives with such a message - a message that love could unite us all, if only we would believe that to be true.

Synonyms for Hate

I hate crabgrass. But then, I also hate the word hate.

So, that was my minor dilemma yesterday morning, as I clawed at the small, hard, rocky patch of crabgrass I intended to replace with flowers. I was not in the best of moods anyway, having spent the previous hour trying to re-edit Broken Dolls amidst one whiney puppy (Jubie) who was not happy that she could not get into our bedroom to greet Stephen with a "good morning pounce." But he had a cold and hadn't slept well the night before, so I wanted to let him sleep in. The other culprit to my concentration was Bear, who couldn't decide if he wanted to be inside or outside.

Why not just put them outside, you might rightly ask? Unfortunately, we have a door to the outside in our bedroom, and if unsuccessful with their front door scratches and whines, they will promptly head to the bedroom door to scratch and whine - more disturbances to Stephen's sleep.

Anyway, back to hating crabgrass. Finally, I threw my hands up and decided morning was a good time to work in the garden anyway. As my writer friends might surmise, I was not very happy and figured I could take it out on the crabgrass.

As I stooped over with my weeding tool in hand, vituperatively grasping and clawing at the long strands of stubborn, virulent grass, I decided I hated it. However, that thought was immediately followed by, "Hate is an ugly word. Come on, you're a writer. You can think of a better one than that."

So, I imagined myself in Word, right-clicking on the word "hate" to get the synonyms. I thought of disdain and detest. Now that I have access to Word, here are a few that are listed:

abhorrence
detestation
odium
revulsion

Unfortunately, these are all nouns. I needed a verb.

So, in writing this blog, I checked out the "hate" verbs on the Thesaurus page of dictionary.com. Here are a few of those:

abhor
abominate
loathe
shun

I like loathe. I LOATHE crabgrass.

As I gnashed my teeth with the thought, I decided hating-loathing-resenting-disdaining, was not a good frame of mind to be in at the start of the day. So my next thought was, "Come on Jan, think of something positive."

Hmmm . . . what could be positive about crabgrass??

Here's what I came up with:

1)  A blog! There's got to be a blog in this somewhere! How long has it been since you've posted a blog anyway, you naughty girl?

2)  A simile! There must be a way to use crabgrass as a simile in your writing.

Sachi knew her Christmas present had to be hidden somewhere in that closet, and like crabgrass, her curiosity spread to the deepest, darkest corners, insistent on choking out Mama's hiding place.

Not too bad, but perhaps a little contrived.

I continued to plunge my weed claw into the rocky soil, while earthworms squirmed around with every patch of dirt and grass I attacked. Though I tried to avoid the poor, squiggly creatures, a few became casualties of my war on crabgrass.

There was another simile. Editing my manuscript - removing clichés, wordiness, awkward dialogue, purple prose - is like pulling literary crabgrass. Though it all needs to removed, it must be done with care, lest I kill the "earthworms" to the story.

Boy, oh boy. Only a writer could come up with that one. And that made me smile.

Sunrise, Sunset - May 4, 2011

Sunrise, sunset

Swiftly flow the days

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers

Blossoming even as we gaze

                                                                              ---Fiddler On The Roof

Beautiful lyrics, and an appropriate start for my new series of (almost) daily posts about my last thought last evening and my first thought the morning that followed. Disclaimer: I reserve the right to give you my second thought, should I not be able to admit my first thought - but I'll let you know. :)

What were you thinking about?

Last thought, Tuesday, May 3, 2011, 11:05 p.m.

 

After viewing all of the photos on Facebook that people have posted of their moms in honor of Mother's Day, and nightly praying about my dad's cancer, I thought about how thankful I am that my parents are still living. That is not the case with most of my friends, and they often tell me not to take simple things for granted, like the ability to pick up the phone and call just to hear the sound of their voice.
 

First Thought, Wednesday, May 4, 2011, 5:35 a.m.

 

As I prepare to leave for the Oklahoma Writers Federation "Write Now" Conference, my mind was full of all the things I have to do today: print a synopsis, don't forget the camera, be sure to email confirmations, buy dog food and cat food, oh, and don't forget to pack my fancy purse . . . blah, blah, blah.  I looked at the clock. Oh heck, I figured. I could afford to sleep another half an hour.
 

 
 
 
Then, I heard Jubie whining from her crate downstairs . . .

Five Questions for Ruth Burkett Weeks, Author

I first met Ruth Burkett Weeks about two years ago at the Northwest Arkansas Writers Workshop critique group. At the time, she was still working on her novel, Soldiers From The Mist. Her beautiful prose and dialogue defined and captured each character and I was always disappointed when she finished reading her five pages for the night. When I later learned the "story behind the story," I understood why she knew her characters so well. (See my note on "Whisperings" below.)

Now, I am looking forward to her new novel, The Legend of Dixie Dandelion. One of the joys of having writer friends is experiencing the birth of our characters with each other. I've seen a lot of Dixie in Ruth (in fact, these days, we call Ruth "Dixie,") and I was with her when she found the perfect personification for Jackson at the Cowboy Hall of Fame in Oklahoma City.

Here's just a tidbit of the author behind Soldiers From The Mist:

 JAN: Your book, Soldiers From The Mist was recently published by High Hill Press. Your story differs in a unique way from how other Civil War stories have been told. Can you explain how this story came to you, and how you decided to tell it in this way?

RUTH: First of all, I want people to know that Soldiers From the Mist is more than yet another Civil War story. It is unique in that it is channeled information that came to me from the ghosts that haunt my house. In fact, the main protagonist, Charles Ely, is my distant cousin. These ghosts were trapped in time and had waited for me for 150 years so that I could write their story and bring their message of love to the forefront. By doing this, they were able to cross over and rest in peace. (Jan's note: The "Whisperings" chapters in Soldiers From the Mist are fascinating. These chapters describe those moments when the ghosts came to talk to Ruth. Though I enjoyed all of the book, I could hardly wait to get the the "Whisperings.")

JAN: What have you found to be your biggest challenge as a writer, and what are you doing to overcome that challenge?

RUTH: Finding time to write is my biggest bug-a-boo. I work full time which means I do most of my writing at night and on the weekends. Trying to cram house cleaning, grocery shopping, bill paying, day-to-day living, and writing into that small amount of time is a challenge. I think every successful writer struggles with this problem even if they don't work outside the home. But dishes in the sink and laundry crawling out of the hamper is a small price to pay for the next New York Times Bestseller. I'll hire a maid with my royalities.

JAN: Any new projects you'd like to tell us about?

RUTH: I am working on my next novel, The Legend of Dixie Dandelion. I love Dixie! She is a scarlet-haired, spit-fire who tames the wild west with the help of Pinkerton Detective, Jackson McCullough,the love of her life. I know I was her in a previous lifetime.

"Jackson and Dixie"

JAN: I was recently at a writers' conference where an agent told the audience, "You are not the same writer today that you will be in six months." How has your writing changed, or how have you changed as a writer, in the last six months?

RUTH: I am a more confident wrtier today than I was six months ago. As a beginninger, I questioned my voice and style especially when I heard the polished, elegant words that other writers in my critque group, The Northwest Arkansas Writers Workshop, wrote. I tried to emulate them only to discover it didn't work; that I wasn't staying true to who I am. Each person brings her own uniqueness to the table and none is better or worse than the other. Variety is the spice of life. Of course having a published book that has been so well-received doesn't hurt either.

JAN: Why do you write?

RUTH: To create! It's such a high to pull characters, locations, events, and situations out of the thin air and make up an interesting story about them; to be able to escape into a different time and lose yourself in the pages. Creativity keeps your brain active and your heart forever young.

JAN: Thanks for the interview, Ruth! I can't wait to see what other stories you create from the characters, locations, events and situations you "pull out of thin air!"

Leave a comment by Monday, May 16

for a chance to win an autographed copy of

Soldiers From The Mist.

Winner will be notified on this blog and on Facebook.

Learn more about Ruth on her blog:
http://www.truthsbyruth.blogspot.com/

To order Soldiers From The Mist:

Contact Ruth at rhbweeks@sbcglobal.net
                      OR
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1606530399/ref=cm_pdp_rev_itm_img_1